observations
CUT TO:
EXT. THE VAST EXPANSE OF OUTER SPACE - PERCEIVABLY NIGHT 1
WE OPEN upon the rumbling of a star-lit sky whose expanse is beyond comprehension. There is a dull, bassy purr whose invisible force seems to support each glowing pin-prick and spinning sphere of mass. Focus is held here for an uncomfortable surplus of seconds.
2 INT. A SMALL PORTION OF THE EXPANSE - PERCEIVABLY NIGHT 2
A matte fossil-gray orb hangs faceless amidst the space. This is THE MOON (4.53 BILLION), who speaks with a feminine southern American accent. 0.0000004063 lightyears away is THE EARTH (4.543 BILLION), barely seen in its micro-presence.
THE MOON
Moon?
Unseen is MOON (357), who is the essence of the word ‘moon’ but not THE MOON themselves. THE MOON will henceforth be referred to as T.M for ease of disambiguation.
MOON
Yes?
MOON speaks with a masculine, received pronunciation accent.
T.M
Oh! Mother of Mary.
MOON
What?
T.M
You arrive so easily. So sudden. Let
a girl powder her nose.
CLOSEUP ON T.M’S FEATURELESS SURFACE. T.M is turning very slowly.
[BEAT]
RETURN TO TWO-SHOT. MOON IS STILL INVISIBLE.
MOON
Why did you call me here?
T.M
It’s been a while since our last parley,
Moon.
MOON
Has it?
T.M
(Giggles)
I’ve been around a lot longer than y’all. Circled myself dizzy. I think I have a better concept of time than most.
MOON
Maybe so.
T.M
Yes.
[BEAT]
Say, ain’t it peculiar, Moon? That I was here all this time…
(A calculated, lingering pause.)
Without you, for a name?
MOON
In one culture, perhaps. You’ve got many names. You’ve had many more: forgotten names, all lost to this lifetime - but not to you.
(If MOON could shake their head, they would.)
But you know that. You’re just riling me up.
T.M
(A considerate pause that is soon cut
short.)
Must you be so dreadfully unromantic?
MOON
I was brought to life by constant reduction - by liquid concentration, the distilling of depth, and, worst of all: the scrambling need for definition. Selene! Your other names were given life through pure admiration and wonder. Undiluted pleasure… When you were immeasurable, and beyond numbers. Why don’t you call one of those names out here, so many miles from the mouths that speak them?
(If MOON could fold their arms, they would.)
Maybe they will douse you with the romance you so crave, you silly thing.
T.M will henceforth be referred to as SELENE for ease of disambiguation.
SELENE
(If SELENE could smile, amused by MOON’s short temper, it would.)
Why, it’s because I wanted to see you of course.
SELENE performs an physically impossible spin upon its toes, as if its waist is bound by a tutu.
CUT TO EXTREME WIDE SHOT OF PRAIA DO CASSINO BEACH. A FEARSOME TSUNAMI SWEEPS ITS LIMBS ACROSS BRAZIL.
SMASH TO PANICKED NEWS REPORTS WORLDWIDE, COVERING A SUDDEN EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL ANOMALY CAUSING CATASTROPHIC TSUNAMIS ACROSS EARTH.
RETURN TO TWO-SHOT.
Won’t you show yourself?
MOON
I’m comfortable as I am.
SELENE
We both know that isn’t true.
MOON
(MOON stutters.)
I
(Pause.)
It’s
SELENE
(Interrupting MOON) I think you’re just- just, magnificent. Dashing. Positively-
MOON
(Interrupting SELENE) You haven’t seen me for a long time.
SELENE
A measly century.
MOON
(Angrily)
A third of my lifetime.
SELENE
A blip in mine.
MOON
New meanings are accrued quickly, and without my input. I don’t get any say in what I mean. Ergo, how I appear. The people do.
SELENE
Don’t you trust the people?
[BEAT]
CUT TO EXTREME LONG SHOT, TILT SHIFT.
THE EARTH is slightly more visible. The rumbling of the universe grinds loudly, bringing great contrast to the delicate quiet of MOON and SELENE’S conversation.
RETURN TO TWO-SHOT. SILENCE.
MOON is now visible: an abstract composition of visually depicted meanings that are part-opaque and overlapping: a collection of moons photorealistic and painted, all waxing somewhere between crescent and whole; measurements of time represented through ticking pocket-watches and grandfather clocks; buttocks unclothed and pressed to glass windows; mason jars topped off with clear liquid with a tangible sting to its taste; argent streaks of light that whip from each flickering picture like the tendrils of a mythically large squid, etc.
MOON
Not particularly.
SELENE
(Stifling a laugh)
Why, I…
MOON
(Embarrassed)
That’s it. I’m going.
MOON’s presence begins to move out of shot.
SELENE
No!
MOON’s mass pauses, and appears to turn.
It would be a great shame.
MOON
How great a shame would it be?
SELENE
Oh…
(SELENE’S voice trails off.)
The greatest shame of all.
MOON and SELENE seem to glide closer, but halt as an image of a bare buttock appears among MOON’s flickering presence.
[BEAT]
…What is that unsightly pair of…-
MOON
I thought I was dashing.
SELENE
You are dashing.
MOON
Then why did we stop?
SELENE
That - I don’t know what to call it. That ass.
MOON
(Bashful)
It’s a people thing. You know what they’re like.
SELENE
Charming and lovely… and thoughtful and kind?
MOON
(Incredulous)
No!
CUT TO MEDIUM CLOSE UP OF MOON.
They’re vulgar. And obscene. They took your name: me, MOON: sound like a fresh scoop of gelato whose grain is easing glossily to shine with the lukewarm of day - MOON: like the hush of a dark expanse; the deep luxury of solace, MOON: plunging into the sea at night, having infant orbs of air climb from human nostrils to the surface only to burst-
RETURN TO TWO-SHOT.
If SELENE could blush, it would.
- they took that away. They took it all away when they started mooning.
SELENE
…Mooning?
MOON
Yes, mooning.
SELENE
But isn’t that what I do every day?
MOON
(Exclaims)
God, no. Not at all. Mooning is when…
SELENE
When what?
MOON
When a person exposes their buttocks… Y-you know, it’s- and forgive my being obscene- the whereabouts of excretion- to another person.
(Pause.)
In order to insult or surprise them.
SELENE
(Off-put)
Oh.
FADE OUT.
THE END.